Monaloca

Every day on the way to preschool Melina asks me, “Mama, is it spring? We need to look for birds and butterflies.” I’ve been saying yes for two months, but at last the weather’s caught up. With spring comes outdoor playdates and birthday party season. (Our three kids, plus most their friends. Funny how that works.)

Warmer weather has also coincided with Nalani’s new smiles. She started smiling right on queue, at one month old. Mama, Dada, sis and bro can all elicit super smiles, though Daddy would say he gets more than anyone. Must be his goofy side.

Nalani also sometimes gets this really funny worried look. The first time I saw it was as we were wheeled out of the hospital when she was just over 24 hours old. And when she’s upset the red spot between her brows gets bright pink.

Melina and Kai continue to be great big sibs to little Nalani, though Melina still has moments where she’s not quite sure what to do. When we arrive at preschool in the morning I always have Nalani in her carrier, and inevitably end up setting it down to push Mina on the swing or sit down with her at the snack table.

Within 20 seconds of setting down Nalani a swarm of tiny two- and three-year-olds surround her and peer into her carrier as she sleeps, slowly opens a tentative eye only to close it again, or stares at them in a half-curious way.

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Melina’s been having fun expanding her big girl horizons and skills. At the zoo last week, she took her first solo amusement park ride – on a motorcycle that went around in circles. She barely made the 36″ height requirement. A little boy asked if she wanted to ride behind his motorcycle and Melina decided to ride the one next to him instead. She loved it.

Last month Melina also learned how to pump a swing on her own. She was so proud she refused to leave the preschool playground for a good 30 minutes. Mama decided it was time to buy a swing for our own yard, and last week Grandpa hung it from the one tree branch that seems strong enough to hold it. We’re a little worried about what will happen in a few years when Kai approaches 100 pounds, but for now, we have a backyard swing!

After months of wearing her tutu around the house, Melina finally started ballet at the Y with neighbor friend Kendall. She clung to mommy the entire first class, but warmed up to it on her own half-way through the second. She was even comfortable enough to give Swiper Fox back to me. Watch the ballet bar video. Watch her freeform ballet freeze dance, too!

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Our baby girl is one month old today! We’ve all adjusted to the presence of our newest family member: I’ve learned to get by on small blocks of sleep, Melina’s learned it’s ok for her friends to look at her baby sister (they’re not going to take her away), even Thor’s learned that we may sometimes forget to feed him (oops).

As for Nalani, she’s spending more time each day awake and alert, usually just checking out things around her. She loves faces and pictures or tapestries hanging on a nearby wall, just as a one-month-old should. Just recently she’s slept as much as six or eight hours at a stretch. Unfortunately this usually happens at around 6 or 7pm which means she’s still up every two to three hours in the wee hours of the morn. But it’s a great sign!

She’s also learned to like her binky. Unlike with Melina, we didn’t give up after the first couple tries. Ironically, Melina wanted to resurrect her own pacifier, which she calls a “boo boo,” as soon as we pulled out one for baby sis. We let her get away with sucking on it for a day or two, but Daddy pulled the plug (literally, I suppose) when she wanted to take it into preschool last week. No more binkies for non-babies in this house.

Finally, we continue to be out and about more often than not. Nalani has made countless trips to Actual Cafe, her sister’s preschool and play group and ballet class, the park, several birthday parties, and numerous stores. She’s been on near-daily walks, and has even had a few, er, “play dates” of her own, meaning trips for mama to hang out with moms group friends who also have recently-arrived second kids. Daddy’s made sure she’s been to Jupiter several times, and she took not one but two trips to the zoo in the past week. She slept through both of them.

A few notes on preferences: Nalani prefers to sleep in our bed, between us. We’ve slowly gotten her to begin the night in her pack ‘n play bassinet, and she’ll also nap there when she’s in the right mood. But one of her favorite nap spots, like Melina’s was, is on Mama in the sling. Luckily she doesn’t mind the carrier or car rides, and likes to go on walks.

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With a baby sib in both his homes, Kai’s reaction to his new little sis goes from “She’s so cute! I love her so much!” to “There are babies everywhere…” and “I’ve been through this before, you know.” Overall, he’s been as great a big bro to Nalani as he’s always been to Melina. And the two older kids’ relationship has certainly taken a life of its own, with more rivalry but also more “we’re in this together” play.

Melina’s still trying to figure out what to make of her baby sister. She desperately wants to interact with her, but the only way she’s able to get a reaction is by hitting or pushing her, hard. My mom says I did the same thing to Stacie when she was a newborn. Melina knows that Nalani is “not a toy,” that she’s “real,” unlike her Baby Alani doll. Last night she very politely asked me “Mama can you please move Alani? I want to cook.” (Nalani was in a bouncy chair in front of her play kitchen.)

Melina’s protective attachment to Nalani became painfully obvious the first time I took the baby into her preschool last week. Melina was ecstatic to see both of us, and ran right up to the carrier as soon as I set it on her classroom floor. But so did half of her little friends, and when they started to peak inside at a sleeping Nalani, Melina broke down into wailing tears. She was NOT ready to share “her” baby, and was absolutely inconsolable, by both Ms L and me, for a good 10 minutes. Eventually she did calm down and we talked about how Nalani is still her baby, that it’s ok to let other people look and to “share” her in that way. But wow – now I know to tread more carefully and will probably let Melina “lead” the sharing next time.

Finally – and I hate to do this because I always hated when people compared Stacie and me – take a look at the two first-week photos of Melina (3 days) and Nalani (4 days). We think they look remarkably similar (could just be the pose…) What do you think?

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I don’t remember how long we waited to take Melina out and about, but we didn’t wait more than a day with Nalani. By four days old we’d walked her down the street to Actual Cafe not once but twice, the second time with her in the sling and me braving it with both girls and no Joey. (We did have neighbors Rachel and Kendall to help out.) We’ve also had plenty of visitors, both family and friends, and have loved all the dinner foods and tasty treats people are bringing. It’s great to have a stocked freezer for when Joey returns to work later this week.

On Saturday we took the whole family to Raycer’s third birthday party, then on Sunday we took our first “big” family outing, to the Little Farm in Tilden. Melina had fun feeding the goats and watching the cows while Nalani snoozed in the sling. We all enjoyed a picnic on the grass then headed to Elmwood for some ice cream.

Back at home, Melina continues to copy Mama and gets a little bent out of shape when she can’t do any more than kiss the real baby. The other night she grabbed the nursing pillow, strapped it around her waist, and stuffed her baby doll (also named “Alani”) under her shirt. Then she laughed and said, “But I don’t have any milk!”

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We’ve all been enjoying time with our newest family member, now almost two weeks old. I know it’s cliche, but it honestly feels like she’s been with us for so much longer – and in a sense, she has. Melina’s been a champ big sis. (Though she is super sensitive and testing limits more than ever… but it could be worse.) She helps out with real diaper changes by handing over diapers and wipes, and loves to diaper her own baby doll as I feed Nalani. The only downside is that she uses the baby’s real diapers and refuses to reuse them “because they’re poopy, Mommy!”

We still don’t have a fantastic nickname for Nalani, but Daddy’s taken to calling her “Big N.” Melina’s stopped saying “Baby Pink” but can’t quite pronounce her real name. (She drops the “n” and says “Alani” which is equally beautiful!) She might sense she’s a little off, because she usually just calls her “Baby Sister” instead. As in, “Daddy, Mommy, Baby Sister I’m ready to read stories come here!”

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Just eight days ago I was waddling around Berkeley, waiting for little Nalani’s arrival. How did it all happen?

On the evening of 4/13, Joey and I felt fairly safe making last-minute plans for our wedding anniversary the next day. We lined up my parents to pick up the kids from school and watch them while we had a final us-only night out before baby. “Too bad I can’t have sushi,” I’d said. “Kirala sounds yummy.”

Turns out my parents had to drive up a little sooner than they’d planned. At around 3am minor contractions woke me up. I’d been having Braxton Hicks for weeks, but these were different: They started then stopped, then started again. The real deal? By 5:30 I was convinced it was, and told Joey we should call my parents. We waited until a little after 6, so they could arrive in time to help get Melina to school. We stayed in bed timing the contractions, still 7-8 minutes apart, until Mina woke up and the regular morning routine began, my contractions increased in intensity, and everything started to feel a bit surreal.

My parents arrived at the same time Kai got to the bus stop on the corner (he was with Jen the night before), so he came in with them and gave me a kiss on the cheek just as I was trying to breath through a contraction and pack our toothbrushes in the hospital bag. I sat with my mom and Melina at the table as Mina ate her breakfast, and with my iPhone in front of me even took the time to update my Facebook status: “Looks like it’s baby time! And a happy anniversary to Joey and me.” The distractions lessened the intensity of the contractions, and of course no one was timing anything.

Joey mentioned something about taking Mina to school (Um, I think we should call my doc instead!?) but then agreed to let my parents, and we really should have left for the hospital then. But the on-call doc hadn’t returned our call, and, well, given Melina’s 27-hour marathon birth, we weren’t expecting Nalani to make her entrance until sometime that afternoon at the earliest. By the time my parents got back, Joey was talking about taking out the trash (Really? Please let my dad do it), I was laboring on the couch (Maybe we should just go to the hospital… ooooo another one….) then BAM, mid-HUGE-contraction, “Oh SHIT! My water broke!” And an incredible pushing sensation.

Mom helped me dry off and change my clothes, then Joey and I finally hopped in the car for the 10-minute ride to Alta Bates. That felt like forever. Half-way down Alcatraz I felt the most insane pain, an entire wave like my whole middle was turning upside down and trying to push out between my legs. Screaming, I had to brace my hand against the door to prop my butt into the air. It hurt too much to sit.

It lessened by the time we hit the hospital, and Joey offered to drop me at the entrance. “No, I can’t walk in by myself!” so he drove all the way to the top of the garage and found us a spot, just in time for another huge surge that left me screaming “I can’t move!!!!” right when he stopped the car.

We drove back down, where a woman cut in front of us right at the payment booth. “Hey!” Joey screamed, “My wife’s in LABOR here!” The lot attendant told us to drive 20 yards forward to valet parking, where we could get a wheel chair. I was screaming the whole time, still thinking I had hours of this ahead and could I really make it that much longer without any drugs? The valet attendant took one listen to my wails and told me “You need to breathe…. I have four sons…. relax….” Yeah, I think your WIFE went through this part of having those four sons.

The fight against the pushing sensation was so strong I couldn’t sit down on the chair as we rode up to the third floor. There, the nurses took one look and listen and asked “Second child?” Yup. “We’re going to skip triage and get you into a room.” Phew. At last.

In no time I was stripped down and hospital-gowned and put on a delivery bed. Someone called my doc. Joey saw the nurses switching on the baby warmer and decided he should call my parents and tell them to come quick. But we both still thought we had at least another hour until the nurse who checked me announced: “Fully dilated and zero station. It’s time to have a baby!”

Wow. Really? Then, “You can try to breath through the next few contractions so Dr. Huibonhoa has time to get here, or, we have a mid-wife right here, as a back-up.” Mid-wife, fine, I need to push NOW! And then, miraculously, just as Joey shouted “I see a head of hair!” my doc walked into the room and took charge. “Great job, Lynn. Push again.” Two, maybe three pushes. “Now I need one more to get the shoulders out.” One more? That’s it? This part took three hours with Melina. Here we go….

And then my baby girl was on my chest. Just like that. She didn’t cry, she’d made her entrance so quickly she probably didn’t even have time for air-shock.

By the time my parents arrived 15 minutes later, I’d already delivered the placenta and Nalani was checked, weighed, cleaned up, and back on my chest. We asked the birth time: 10:19 am. And what time did we arrive in labor and delivery? Someone checked the log. 10 am. 19 minutes to spare, wow. I think if we’d gotten to the hospital sooner she would have arrived around the time the valet parking attendant was telling me “Just breath…”

The rest of Nalani’s birthday was relaxed, even serene. We had the whole day ahead of us to recover from a very short labor, and to enjoy our time together as three. After school, my parents brought Melina and Kai to meet their new sister. The room suddenly burst with energy and excitement, our whole family together at last, the best anniversary present imaginable.

When they left Joey walked out with them, to pick up Kirala-To-Go sushi for my first post-pregnancy and our fourth anniversary dinner together. In the end, we got our peaceful sushi dinner together, with a panoramic view of the Bay and Golden Gate Bridges, stretching from Oakland to SF, over the hospital parking lot. Only unlike our original plan, this one included our very special gift.

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Melina sings to Nalani on her first day home.

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Born 4/14/10 (Mama and Daddy’s anniversary!) at 10:19 am, just 19 quick minutes after arriving at the hospital.

8 pounds, 4 ounces and 21 inches.

Welcome, Nalani!

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I spent some time with Melina at preschool today, and Ms. L and I ended up talking to her about how the baby’s “coming out of mama’s belly soon.” A mom and a preschool teacher should know better than to use the word “soon” for anything happening after today with a 2.5-year-old, but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

After dinner Mina asked “Is the baby coming now?” No, not yet. “After bath?” Probably not. “Ok, after stories.” Actually, when she comes will be a surprise. “A surprise? What’s the surprise?” Oh boy.

After stories it was time to go to bed but Melina got really upset because she wanted the baby to come out first. In her tired state she started to cry, “But I want to see the baby now!” We all do, Jelly Bean, but she’s coming in her own time.

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