very stubborn baby! We had our detailed ultrasound earlier this week. It’s the one at 20-21 weeks where, along with looking to make sure the baby is developing correctly, they can usually tell gender. Our little one was extremely active but refused to completely uncross its legs the entire time (at least 40 minutes in all) we were there.

Baby Rapoza, 21 Weeks Gestation

“Well, it’s about an 80% chance it’s a girl,” the doctor finally said, based on not seeing a penis but also on seeing two white lines in the crotch area. Apparently girls show three distinct white lines, and (from what I gather) boys have one light one. With its legs crossed, ours showed only two and they couldn’t rule out something else tucked between its legs. The doc was kind enough to arrange for a follow-up ultrasound in a month, but I’m not counting on knowing for sure until the little one pops out in four or five months. Oh – and everything else with the baby is great!

Before the ultrasound, it was a little strange having a person growing inside of me yet not knowing whether it was a he or a she. Calling it “it” started to feel so impersonal and abstract. Kai, my stepson, simply started assuming it was a boy. “Kai, why do you think it’s a boy?” we’d’ ask. “Because his name is he!” he’d answer, in perfect 3 1/2-year-old logic.

In a weirdly related tangent of my life, a friend is seriously considering transitioning – taking the leap and having surgery to change her biology from female to male. I’ve already confessed to her that while I support her 100%, on a personal level I can’t quite relate, and on a practical and even theoretical level I don’t see how it will work with the myriad of people in her life who know her as a woman. It’s too complicated to go into here, but this feels right to her, she has been and will continue to think it through fully, every step of the way, and that’s what matters. Alex is a wonderful, large-hearted human being who will always be and mean the same to me whether a she or a he.

Even though we didn’t learn anything definitive from the ultrasound, for some reason not knowing no longer feels so strange. I feel the baby kicking on a regular basis, and no longer just when I’m lying down quietly. In fact it’s kicking right now, saying “Look, here I am!” And yes, now 80% of the time I imagine it’s a girl – but you never know. It’s a little life with its own personality and that’s what matters.

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