Monaloca

On Saturday we leave for a last pre-baby vacation: a road trip along the California coast. We’re starting in Big Sur, then will make our way up to Point Reyes Station and finally to Mendocino, where we’ll stay with friends Milo and Cassandra and baby (oops, she’s a toddler now!) Julia. I’m very excited about this time away, the chance to be mellow, hike, read or write by a fire while sipping tea, and just BE with my husband without the interruptions of daily life.

Before I got pregnant we were planning a trip to Japan this spring. Even after the stick showed us two pink lines for positive, we planned to make the trip in my second trimester, right around now, as a last international fling before baby. Then morning sickness hit – in fact it completely floored me – Joey opened his store, and eventually we decided that it might be best to stay a little more local for this final solo getaway.

Travel and adventure have always been such an important part of my life that it’s a little scary to think about how much of it I’ll be giving up, at least for the next few years while our child is very young. I know we’ll continue to travel, and will seek plenty of international destinations, but a tiny part of me still craves the autonomy of just a few years ago, when the only person I had to answer to was myself and the world was my playground. Of course, sometimes it did feel like a very lonely playground.

One of my co-workers is a month ahead of me in her pregnancy. A few weeks ago she mentioned, “I’m definitely starting to nest.” She’s cleaning out the baby’s room, knitting blankets, and admits, “I just don’t have the same desire to go out anymore.?”

Since Kai came into my life almost three years ago and we bought the house over two years ago, I’ve been in a half-nest situation, too. The nest is comforting. And so is the reality that we’re able to initiate happy hours, go out for adult-only dinners, and take short jaunts abroad from time to time.

Not going to Japan isn’t as disappointing as I thought it would be. Yet here I am writing about it, so I know I’m not completely sold on a life of complete domesticity. I’m sure my attitude will change – many times in the coming months, and more completely over time.

In the meantime, all I can say is: I hope baby likes to travel!

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very stubborn baby! We had our detailed ultrasound earlier this week. It’s the one at 20-21 weeks where, along with looking to make sure the baby is developing correctly, they can usually tell gender. Our little one was extremely active but refused to completely uncross its legs the entire time (at least 40 minutes in all) we were there.

“Well, it’s about an 80% chance it’s a girl,” the doctor finally said, based on not seeing a penis but also on seeing two white lines in the crotch area. Apparently girls show three distinct white lines, and (from what I gather) boys have one light one. With its legs crossed, ours showed only two and they couldn’t rule out something else tucked between its legs. The doc was kind enough to arrange for a follow-up ultrasound in a month, but I’m not counting on knowing for sure until the little one pops out in four or five months. Oh – and everything else with the baby is great!

Before the ultrasound, it was a little strange having a person growing inside of me yet not knowing whether it was a he or a she. Calling it “it” started to feel so impersonal and abstract. Kai, my stepson, simply started assuming it was a boy. “Kai, why do you think it’s a boy?” we’d’ ask. “Because his name is he!” he’d answer, in perfect 3 1/2-year-old logic.

In a weirdly related tangent of my life, a friend is seriously considering transitioning – taking the leap and having surgery to change her biology from female to male. I’ve already confessed to her that while I support her 100%, on a personal level I can’t quite relate, and on a practical and even theoretical level I don’t see how it will work with the myriad of people in her life who know her as a woman. It’s too complicated to go into here, but this feels right to her, she has been and will continue to think it through fully, every step of the way, and that’s what matters. Alex is a wonderful, large-hearted human being who will always be and mean the same to me whether a she or a he.

Even though we didn’t learn anything definitive from the ultrasound, for some reason not knowing no longer feels so strange. I feel the baby kicking on a regular basis, and no longer just when I’m lying down quietly. In fact it’s kicking right now, saying “Look, here I am!” And yes, now 80% of the time I imagine it’s a girl – but you never know. It’s a little life with its own personality and that’s what matters.

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It’s only now, after the incapacitating nausea of my first trimester and the mad flurry of the holidays, that I’m able to reflect on all the changes that have already happened in our lives, even before the little one arrives.

Back in September, I quit my fulltime job in SF to work as a part-time content strategist in an office just a mile from my house. The idea? I spend the other part of my time working on my writing. In a case of ironic timing, I found out I was pregnant the day after giving notice at my previous job, and my morning sickness kicked into full gear on my first day “free” to write.

Luckily I’m now in a space where I’m able to function once again, to work with my characters and create the worlds in which they live…. at the same time that I’m creating a little life inside me, and looking to fix up the room and space in which he or she will soon live.

My husband has also been busy. In October Joey followed his own dream and opened a game store in North Berkeley! Take a look: Green Griffon Games.

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Hello. My name is Laralynn though many people call me Lynn. I live in Berkeley, CA with my husband, three-year-old stepson, and a baby on the way!

I’m starting this blog as a way to share my three biggest joys in life: family, travel, and writing. Over the coming months (and years!) I’ll be adding photo galleries from my travels, home life, and friends, plus snippets of my writing, both published and not. I invite you to look around, make comments, and enjoy, and request only that you ask permission before using any of my photos or writing.

To learn more about why I chose the name monaloca and what the header image is, visit the about page.

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